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Started my day with excitement because it is the last day of class. However, I then realized how much I needed to do as I have been busy moving. Then I went to Dominos to meet up Bree and Jarib because we were planning to buy some stuff together. When I ordered, I thought of getting Paul something too, as I figure he will never say NO to food. And so I did. I asked him if he wants pizza but he took a while to respond to me. I then told him I'm going to bring it to him, although it's not on the way to where I wanted to go and I had to head back to the library to do my homework. Thinking of just quickly drop his pizza off and go, I asked him if he could come out and grab it. He didn't respond. I went into his room, he wasn't there. Given that his car is still here, I thought he is working out at the gym. But then he replied "No" to my question, without giving me a reason, made me feel a little bad. Anyway, I dropped off and went to the library. At night, I kind of expect that he would come find me since we have not seen each other for the day. But, I waited for nothing.

The next day, I thought he went to Bend with Eriko but then he told me they were up in Portland yesterday and they spent the night there. My first thought: "Oh?" A little surprised. The fact that he didn't tell me his change of plan made me wonder if I'm someone significant to him. A lot of times, people ask me "Where is Paul?" I hate saying "I don't know.", but I really don't. He doesn't feel like an intimate person to me since I don't know his whereabout all the time. I did not want to ask because he would get annoyed, and the same thing will happen again. But I really don't like this feeling.

I realized I was talking to him in a colder way, which indicated that I'm losing interest, I'm tired to put effort to be enthusiastic when he is not responsive. I'm tired of waiting for his response and act like I'm happy, I  am not. He never brings me to Portland to chill and spend the night there like what he did. And he doesn't feel as fun around me. To me, it seems like he doesn't put as much effort to be fun around me. I feel like I'm not as important as his friends, where I wanted to be treated the other way round.

His way of being in a relationship is totally different than mine. He always says: "This is how a relationship should be." But there is no standard to a relationship. It's about what works for both in a relationship. I tried to change, in his way, but no, there's no way I will be happy in the long-term. He always wanted everything to go his way, but he should think about what works for me too. It is impossible that I can change 100% for him. I asked for a compromise, but he thinks a relationship should work the way he thinks. But in reality, that's not true.

I've been trying to be happy, be considerate, loving, caring. But I came to the realization that I'm NOT happy. This relationship doesn't work for me. And I'm leaving.

You don't have to ever "report" to me where you go or what you do.
You don't have to worry that someone will "stalk" you.
You don't have to be restricted when hanging out with friends.
You don't have to feel obligated to be with me all the time.
You're free. Do whatever you want, and I will not care.
I'm tired.
I should treat myself better if you couldn't. 

You're great.
But we are just not right for each other.
Thank you for everything.